Edition 8 – Family
I hope you are enjoying the quotes, podcasts, and books that I have shared. Please check out my archived blog editions too.
This blog edition is about Family. Like any edition, I am not the expert, but these are some things that I have noticed in what I consider higher functioning families do. Of course, we could debate several things. Debating is great and we should do more of it.
Many of us shy away from difficult conversations. Why? - maybe our spouse, kids, girlfriend/boyfriend, and others ask us questions we cannot answer. Some topics are difficult and we feel it’s easier to just avoid them. Maybe, we don’t have all the answers and we feel too vulnerable to admit it.
It can be good to leave some things for others to figure out on their own. It’s likely a balance of guidance and control.
Today, most times there is a negative connotation to “the helicopter parent”. I heard this analogy a few days ago and I believe it’s how we might be a better parent and family member.
The helicopter hovers high most of the time. The helicopter is high to see the big picture, see the horizon of opportunities and risks. The helicopter stays high most of the time! However, when the family is in peril, the kids are engaging in harmful behavior to themselves or others…the helicopter comes in close, engages directly, maybe deploys some troops, and addresses the situation. Once the critical situation is solved, the helicopter goes back up and observes from a long distance. Unless, there is a crisis, the helicopter stays at the high level, looking out for the opportunities, monitoring the risks, and only engages directly when absolutely necessary.
I don’t believe it’s bad to be a helicopter parent, just be at the right height at the right time.
"The best kind of parent you can be is to lead by example." — Drew Barrymore
If you know anything about Drew Barrymore, you probably know she has many successes and some times in her life that were really rough, especially earlier in her career.
"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." — Robert Fulghum
Do the right things with your time and money.
Treat people how they deserve to be treated.
Have empathy for all, always be respectful, but stand for what you believe.
Change your mind, when the situation calls for you to change. Admit that things can change and so can you.
“The conversation about money is almost always more than about money” – Carl Richards
Our conversations should be about the choices and decisions.
Sometimes our emotions, ego, and/or insecurity get in our way of wise choices.
No one is perfect with their decisions, but if they are thought out, discussed, and decided as a family your spouse/partner will stand by you and so will your kids.
“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” — Mother Teresa
I believe a family that can debate and argue with steady voices, never physical violence, disagree at the dinner table while still enjoying dinner, can change the world.
Differences of opinion and perspective are healthy to the family and to the world.
You can love someone very much and don’t have to agree with them all the time.
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” — Theodore Hesburgh
Kids are always watching, they might not listen, but they watch and observe very well.
Today, I feel there has been too much emphasis on “toxic masculinity” – please take a look at my books and podcasts in this blog edition in my website.
“Happy Spouse, Happy House”
Family Money:
You need to have direct and clear talk with your family and kids.
Talk about: How to earn it, How to spend it; How to invest it.
Have kids earn and spend for some things of their own.
Many times, a parent could pay for the thing their child wants. Try to refrain from this.
As the child matures, make sure they are making their own decisions with their own earned money. Start small, like the piece of candy, the toy, etc. Show them how to earn money and pay for their own wants. As early as possible, give your child and/or family member a way to earn their own money.
How to Earn Money - Entering Adulthood - "it might not be only what you earn, it might be what you save and invest"
According to Dave Ramsey’s study - Top 5 Careers of Millionaires
According to the study, these professions were the most common among the 10,000 surveyed:
Engineer
Accountant
Teacher
Management
Attorney
The study suggests that becoming a millionaire is achievable for most people through disciplined, boring, long-term financial habits rather than high-risk investments or high-paying, glamorous careers.
Family Investing:
Find a way that you feel is safe and confidential that your children understand that you save, why you save, and how you save by using some of the different saving vehicles that I outlined in earlier blog editions; like a 401K, Health Savings Account, Savings Account, other investments, etc.
How to Spend Money as an Informed Family:
When you spend money, do it wisely on things that meet your core values as a family.
Family Health:
Eating – your kids will model what you do. They might not listen, but they see what you put in your mouth and body. Put the right things in!
Exercise – again, your kids will model what you do. Therefore, exercise and even better try to do some activities as a family.
First things first: Creating the Family with a mate/spouse/partner:
There is no such thing as casual sex. I even believe that dating should have a purpose. Why spend your time with someone that you don’t see a future with?
Never date someone who abuses anyone or any substance.
When you are choosing a partner, be clear on values – even better write your values down and share. This might seem awkward, but if you can right down your values, you are clear. Then, sharing them with someone else is even more solidifying on what is important for the short, mid, and long-term.
Some values might and likely should change later, but starting with a clear understanding of existing values is a key to a foundation of why you chose your partner in the first place.
Summary for this edition:
Time is precious, don’t waste it spending time with the donkeys.
Nothing is free. There are trade-offs for everything you do.
You can do nearly anything in life, but you cannot do everything.
You can be a teddy bear or you can be a grizzly bear.
As a parent and spouse, choose your times wisely to be the right one, at the right time.
Choose your spouse carefully.
Know there are penalties for divorce, so choose your partner very wisely.
Get out of any abusive situation early, and move on.
Do not get into any relationship with someone who abuses someone or some thing.
Be in love with your spouse, always.
Recognize there will be times of in and out of romance.
But you are always in love.
Life is hard for all of us
You are not that different.
We all have something to deal with.
Life is great for all of us in the Free countries
We choose who we spend our time with.
We have many choices and how we chose to spend our resources (time and money) is our choice.
Choose wisely.
How to Help Disengaged Young Men Reclaim Drive and Direction
The Art of Manliness
Not long ago, the primary concern people had about boys was that they were wild, impulsive, and out of control — getting into fights, pushing limits, and stirring up trouble. Today, the problem has flipped. The more common challenge isn’t reckless behavior, but inert passivity. More and more young men are anxious, apathetic, socially isolated, and seemingly uninterested in doing much of anything at all. Vince Benevento, the founder of Causeway Collaborative — a male-specific counseling center — and the author of Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male, has spent nearly two decades working on the front lines of this shift.
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-art-of-manliness/id332516054?i=10007478478