Being a Teacher and A Leader in your Family

Teaching and Leading at Home

Nearly every week, I ask myself, “What will I write about this week?” Then I get a little worried that I won’t have anything to say. Luckily, I usually read or hear something that catches my attention, so I jot it down. Later, it becomes something I want to reflect on and share. This is for me just as much as it is for you.

I write to collect my thoughts, articulate them more clearly, become a better writer, and ultimately become a better person. If something I share helps someone else, that feels good too. For another story about improving yourself to help others, please revisit the archived Edition 7 – Your Best.

I believe the most effective leaders are great storytellers. They can tell a story verbally, in writing, or both. Often, they have a natural preference or strength. Great leaders also learn to seek help from people who can do certain things better than they can. Speaking and writing are no different.

Not a strong writer? Get help. Professionals, colleagues, coaches, and even AI can help refine your writing. In my opinion, though, great leaders should first be able to write down their own thoughts and articulate what they truly believe. Then they can use other resources to improve the message.

Not a strong speaker? You can seek help there too. Many excellent coaches, training resources, and AI tools can help you prepare and deliver a better speech.

That said, I have noticed when people rely too heavily on someone else, or on AI, to shape their message. They may simply repeat what they read or present words that do not sound like their own. Eventually, the gap between what they write, what they say, and how they act becomes obvious.

My message is: as you develop your leadership skills, learn to write and speak better. Use coaches, training, colleagues, and AI, but never lose the “you” in what you write or say. Most people can recognize when a leader is not being authentic. If the words sound borrowed or disconnected from the person delivering them, the audience begins to lose trust.

The rest of this blog is about leadership and family. I may be stretching the connection a little, but maybe not. One of the most important leadership positions you will ever have is within your own family.

1. Write and speak from the heart. To do that well, you need to be competent in the topic, consistent in your message, and, at times, courageous in what you say.

2. Avoid cursing, or use curse words very sparingly. Your words rub off on the people around you, especially your children. If you do not want your kids to say it, do not make it part of your own everyday vocabulary. At times, I hear people speak when nearly every fourth or fifth word is a curse word. To me, that is even more distracting than repeatedly saying “um” or “like.” If you cannot make your point without a curse word, it may be better to pause and rethink how to say it.

As the familiar saying goes, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” – Maurice Switzer

That said, a well-timed and carefully placed curse word can add impact. I am not saying such words should never be used; I am saying they should be used sparingly and only when they truly add something to the message.

3. Control your emotions. Being with family does not give any of us permission to be a jerk or fly off the handle. Sometimes people curse or lash out because they are emotionally or mentally out of control. The people closest to us should not receive the worst version of us simply because we feel safe enough to let it out.

4. Dress for the part and the occasion. I do not believe someone serving in the United States Congress should be wearing sweatpants on the job. I am not a fashion expert, and I do not fully understand every cultural custom well enough to judge what may be considered sloppy, respectful, or appropriate. The larger point is to dress for the audience, the occasion, and the customs. If someone showed up at my family farm in a tuxedo while we were preparing to repair a barbed-wire fence, it would make me smile. I might appreciate the effort to look nice, but it would not be practical or customary for the work at hand.

5. Be your consistent self. Make sure your family knows that the same person will show up each day. Children thrive on appropriate certainty and consistency. Be competent in the subject you are discussing. If you do not know, say so and rely on others who do. Be courteous, and do not expect everyone to agree with you or expect yourself to agree with everyone else. Be a learning leader. Be courageous and willing to be vulnerable. To me, courage means taking the time to understand a subject, being humble enough to know you will never know everything and then being willing either to change your mind when the facts call for it or to stand firm when you have enough sound information to support your position. Your family will notice that you don’t know everything, you can ask for help, you can change your mind when needed, and you are o.k. in your own shoes and don’t need to pretend to be something you are not.

6. Do not hold a grudge. You have likely said or done something that a family member did not want, understand, or appreciate. The same is true in reverse. Address what needs to be addressed, learn from it, forgive when you can, and do not allow resentment to consume time that cannot be recovered.

Most of us have thought about or experienced how the loss of a family member can quickly change our perspective on what truly matters. That is a reminder not to wait too long to reconnect, forgive, or say what needs to be said.

7. Surround yourself with intelligent people. Intelligence comes in many forms. Check out Archived Version Lessons from Published Blogs Lessons and Learnings Edition 2 | Mike Hofer “The Wisdom of the 3rd Grade Dropout”. We naturally tend to spend time with people who think and act like us, but strong leaders listen to understand other points of view, especially those shaped by different knowledge and experiences. I can never fully understand another person’s perspective because I have not lived exactly what they have lived. What I can do is listen carefully and try to understand how they formed their opinion.

8. Give people your time. Some days, I wish I had spent more time truly understanding a situation or a person. I have been accused of being a “micromanager” on more than one occasion, and there is probably some truth behind that overused label. On the other hand, I ask a lot of questions, get into the details, and try to listen to understand rather than simply listening to respond. The challenge is to know when questions are helping and when they are getting in the way. Either way, giving someone your full attention is one of the clearest ways to show that they matter.

It is widely understood, though not often discussed, that after we are gone, our family and friends may remember us clearly, fewer people in the next generation will know much about us, and by the third generation, many of us will be little more than a name or a story. Very few people influence others for multiple generations. That does not make our lives less meaningful. It makes the time we have with the people closest to us even more important.

Some Takeaways:

• Be polite.

• Use curse words sparingly.

• Stay calm, show emotion when appropriate, and be genuine.

• Fit the occasion without losing your true self or disregarding others.

• Be a learning leader.

• Remember that your family is always watching.

  • What you do is often more important than what you say.

• Be present.

Please check out a few of the archived posts that I mention above. Last I took the following screenshot from a Facebook post and wanted to share it with you too:

Lessons and Learnings |

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